(As Promised) The Deets

Those of you who are Facebook friends know that I got a job!!!!!!! And I promised details, so here goes…

Actually, I think, like The Job From Hell of this past spring, I am going to keep most of the details to myself. Suffice it to say, this time it is in an office setting, although it too is in an industry that is new to me. I hope that is all it has in common with TJFH. I start January 5, exactly 10 days before the one year anniversary of being laid off. The commute is rather hairy (for me, that is: none of the Americans reading this would be fazed by it) and it is located literally in the middle of nowhere, with nary a 7-Eleven nearby. But I am looking upon that as a positive as far as eating is concerned because I have to do something about my weight and this way, with no lunchtime temptations, I will be forced to eat whatever it is I take with me. Pay could be better, but I am not exactly in a position to complain about that; and the dress code is casual. The staff is small, about 10, and one of them has a bicep tattoo I would like to lick.

Sammy’s Third Annual Holiday Message

I think of all the sad and pathetic things my 11-month long (11 months!) bout of unemployment has caused, the story behind this picture of Sammy is amongst the saddest.

I’d never sent out a holiday picture before Sammy came along because I had never loved anything enough to picture it and share it with people (well, I think I might have briefly flirted with the idea of sending out a pic of my tattoo the year I got that, but never got around to it. Because I never loved it as much as I love Sammy). Now, selecting an image and getting it all dolled up in the holiday-themed embellishments offered by the online photo people is the highlight of my summer (I’m organized and do not have a life – I get stuff done early).

This year was different, of course. First off, the pic was taken on my iPad, not on my regular film camera (yes, I still have one of those. I have a landline phone too. Luddites Forever!). I’ve taken a ton of pics of Sammy but for financial reasons the film rolls remain undeveloped. Thankfully, I caught him at a good angle (he is watching the pigeons) while my iPad was switched on and decided to go with this one for the very few I would have to have printed out this year, just for the English contingent (because they do not – and cannot – know I am out of work, so I have to keep up at least a semblance of normalcy when it comes to them). But even though I got fewer printed out this year, I still had to cut as many financial corners as possible so the paper quality is much lower this year. And I usually avoid a Christian-based greeting (not out of political correctness but out of atheism) but this year I couldn’t even be arsed with that.

But I wanted everyone else to see it for Sammy’s annual message. Which, coincidentally, has been every year on December 17. Well, a coincidence this year because when I got up this morning, after my daily online job hunt was over, I decided I should get around to doing it. I checked the last two postings, to see what they were titled, and discovered they too were posted on December 17 (I am sure last year I did that on purpose but I have no memory of doing so, but last year my life was relatively calm and I wasn’t an unemployed mess). But it is just one of many coincidences my life has been riddled with recently, the freakiest being that the guy whose Craig’s List ad I answered (something to do with BBWs and pearl necklaces) turned out to be someone I used to work with! Freaky because I have literally only worked with about, maybe, 100 people, tops, in my seven years in Vegas, and maybe only 30 of them were men.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so to make this even more pathetic, I no longer have access to a scanner (one used to sit on my desk, back in the halcyon days when I had a – gasp! – job!). So, yeah, the above is a badly positioned, iPad-taken picture of a poor-quality photo that came from an iPad picture!

But what does that matter because, in the end, it is a picture of my beautiful boy who has kept me going through these miserable months. I hope this picture of him brings you as much joy as the real version of him brings me. And I hope your holiday season, however you celebrate it, is filled with delight.

First, no work; now, no wok

 

I started selling stuff on Craig’s List around the same time my unemployment ran out. Two dressers went quickly, as did a blender and the Magic Bullet (hey, O., remember schlepping around Green Valley looking for that? That was a great day.). My beloved Crock Pot and related recipe books were next to go. I had a lot of trouble getting rid of a television – no wonder, it was the last boxed kind ever made, it was huge and heavy and a complete dinosaur (it even had a built-in VHS deck!). I ended up giving that one away (and even that was hard; I got no takers the first time I advertised it). I got offers on an iron and my director’s chair but decided to withdraw those, just in case I ever need to iron anything (although I haven’t in the five years I’ve owned the thing. Not even sure it works.); and Sammy took a shine to the chair five minutes after I placed the ad (seriously, I’ve had it for four years and he has never once glanced in its direction; I get an offer to buy it and he is all over it). I’ve had no takers for a rice steamer, electric griddle (brand new, still in the box), or my George Forman grill. (Going cheap! Make me an offer!)

And this morning, I (kind of) sold a wok. And it has devastated me. A bloody wok that I never used. After I (kind of) sold it I came back to the apartment and bawled for about an hour. Why? It was obviously a metaphor for my current situation, although my reaction could have a lot to do with the nice gentleman who (kind of) purchased it. He took a look at it and decided his wife would not like it so he could not buy it. All of a sudden I was overcome with emotional exhaustion and embarrassment that my situation has led me to selling crappy kitchen appliances on Craig’s List. So I handed it back to him and told him he could have it. He thanked me and then reached into his pocket and gave me a handful of change (“Because you’ve been cool about this” or something like that). Eighty-five cents; not even enough to upsize a meal at McDonald’s. But the gesture just devastated me with its sincerity and kindness.

But now I have a craving for Kung Pao Chicken.

It’s a pill, not a metaphor (but, really, it is)

 

 

It is the last pill of the last bottle of the last prescription I filled when I still had health insurance. I had four prescriptions going when I was first laid off and slowly they all ran out, but I managed to stretch this last one out until now. So my thyroid, cholesterol, mental health and birth control issues are now in the hands of the employment gods. *Snort of derision* – good luck with that, health issues, for those employment gods are stingy bastards.

Now What?

Today marks the first day since I was laid off that I am not “earning” any money – yep, my unemployment has run out. The good news is that I no longer have to be concerned about being audited by the State - they could at any time request evidence that you are actively looking for work and you have to apply for a certain number of jobs per week - so I no longer have to apply for crap jobs just for the sake of getting my numbers up. The bad news is, well, I have no income coming in. But I am far from being homeless or going hungry, because I do have some cash reserves I can fall back on. I’ll close out my savings account and cash in my 401(k), and that should give me another three months. But once again, when (if?) I finally get another job I am back to square one as far as a retirement fund is concerned. It was always iffy anyway, my chances of being able to retire, but this bout of unemployment has made it official – I will be working up until the day I die.

 

“Welcome to Walmart. How can I help you today?”

Catching Flies and Squeaky Wheels

A Facebook friend suggested I change my profile picture because prospective employers sometimes check out Facebook, and apparently my current pic - evidence of Sammy's biting issues - is not suitable. So I had a session with a renowned photographer. I have narrowed it down to two. One with the most votes will become my new profile pic, although I have a feeling the second one will appeal to only those familiar with 1980s British television.

 

 

 

 

The “Nothing to Report” Report

Really, nothing much has happened since my last post. Well, I had a couple interviews; halfway through one I was told it was a part-time position so that was a big fucking waste of time (I wore pantyhose too). The second was more promising but it did not work out (ironic thing about that one was that the start date would have been September 15 – exactly eight months to the day since I was laid off).

Then the Robin Williams’ stuff did not help my mood at all – that desk-standing scene from Dead Poets’ Society reduces me to tears at the best of times but taking into consideration my current state of mind and add my sadness over the death of such a good and talented man, watching that scene every five minutes on TV reduced me to even more of a blubbering mess than I already was.

Then I discovered someone whom I thought was a friend would rather make money than spend time with me (and this was additional money, not their regular wages - I would never ask anyone to choose their job over spending time with me). This one was especially hurtful because just a few days later a Facebook post revealed that this person does not always put money above friendship. I guess it depends on the friends. So I will never again put them in a position where they have to choose money over friendship – because now I know where I stand on their friendship scale, I can obliterate them from mine.

All I can say is thank the Universe for Sammy and alcohol.

Daysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysdaysda

The days are melding into one another. Sometimes I only realize it is the weekend when I go to watch The Price Is Right and instead there is a gardening program on. I go days without any (non-electronic) human interaction and on those days sometimes I do not even brush my teeth or change out of whatever I wore to bed the night before. And when I do have contact with someone it is usually just the clerk at the liquor store or the library or whoever is manning the drive-thru window that day on my twice-a-week outings, one to the library (although the books are returned mainly unread and the DVDs unwatched because I feel guilty for doing something even remotely pleasurable when I am out of work) and one for groceries (booze). I could combine these trips into one but just one outing a week would put me over the edge, I think.

My stay-at-home days follow a very similar pattern: when I have done all the job-applying for the day I try to eat something (but I have very little appetite these days). Then it is The Price is Right (today was especially good – I came within $200 of winning a car and Bob Baker was on it because it is his 90th birthday, which is funny because the last time I was out of work it was his 80th birthday. He was still hosting the show then and Adam Sandler was a special guest. What a coincidence that I am out of work when Bob Baker has a milestone birthday). Then it is another round of e-mail checking, just in case. Then I assume the fetal position on the bed or the couch (whichever is nearest to Sammy) for a few hours where I am either dozing or sobbing. Then at some point I realize it is after 5 pm so I start drinking. (Of course, the ironic thing is, back in the day when I had a job and I would take a day off, apart from the job-hunting and the sobbing, that was how I would spend my day anyway!)

Six Months Later…

Yep, it is six months to the day since I lost my job.

I had planned to write a pretty long post about these six months but I am just so depressed and lethargic, this is all you’re going to get. It is one of many posts I have started but been too low to finish. Plus now that I have gotten rid of all my English family members from Facebook I am posting a little more on there, like a message about Sammy’s birthday, for example. (Although sometimes I double up and post on both - the dollar store wine story is a case in point.) I’ve just nothing positive to say about the entire six months and I really am trying to avoid being a Debbie Downer in this blog. Suffice it to say, I am looking for work but I am not getting any call backs. It is soul-crushing. See, I understand when I do not get an offer after an in-person interview, because, yeah, they get to see the ass, the chins, the waistline, but I can’t even get the chance to introduce them to the fat ugly blob that I am. Thank the Universe for alcohol and Sammy.

I have died and gone to purgatory

OMG – my local 99 cents only store has started selling wine. Let me repeat that: my local 99 cents only store has started selling wine. I know. It’s not 99 cents, unfortunately, ($2.99) which is why this post says purgatory instead of heaven and I have not tasted it yet, but still: my local 99 cents only store has started selling wine.

A Sammy Tail

Sammy’s interest in looking outside when the blinds are open:

0%

 

Sammy’s interest in looking outside when the blinds are closed:

100%

 

Feast of the Virgin, Year II

Two years ago today…

... I kissed the prettiest boy alive (you know who you are. Or do you, actually? I am sure I have told you about this blog (I tell you everything) but I would be extremely surprised if you‘d ever read it. Too busy with your fabulous career and drop-dead gorgeous wife and those kids.).

Anyway, after we kissed we did some other stuff (tee-hee). Other stuff that I have not done with anyone since. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have kept my born-again virginity intact (tee-hee) for another year! Yay! Two years of no sex!

Well, kind of, but not exactly. I mean, yeah, there was that guy I was kind-of seeing and one time we did some stuff (or rather, I should say, he did some stuff and I just laid there and enjoyed it). But, technically, it was not the horizontal mamba and were I a real virgin before, I would still have been afterwards (technically) so it does not count.

But, for obvious reasons (I am still without a job) there will be no Feast of the Virgin this year. The Moet & Chandon will remain in the back of the fridge. But the occasion will not go completely uncelebrated: I have a bottle of a favorite wine that I was saving for when I got a new job. But it is much cheaper than the Moet so I will treat myself to that. And I got a bag of generic Funyuns at the dollar store yesterday and there may even be an ice pole or two in the back of the freezer, so I am all set!

American Idol, Season 13

Was it a crap season because it coincided with my unemployment or was it just a crap season anyway? None of the contestants wowed me from the start (I did get to like Jena better and better as the season when on) and there was only one I hated - the lesbian chick (whom I think only made it into the top 15 because the producers were afraid they’d get accused of being homophobic if they did not put her through). And no, haters, I did not hate her because she is gay, I hated her because she is a crap singer.

One thing that did strike me this season was how much work schedules were diminished – the contestants did not have to do a Ford video every week, Ryan did not have to read out as many phone numbers because they kept the same number, the cameraman had only one angle to shoot – wherever J-Lo was, and her wardrobe supervisor had it easy too because she rarely wore anything below the waist. Speaking of which, what was that thing Jenny from the whorehouse block was wearing during her “performance?”

Other random musings/thoughts/opinions:

·         How useless was Randy as a mentor? I miss Jimmy!

·         Was there a memo sent that this season had to contain as many doughy white boys as possible?

·         Ryan did the gay rumors no favors by declaring Demi Lovato a friend and “singing” a Richard Marx song.

·         Loved Jessica Meuse. Hope she goes far, but glad she did not win it (they would have tried to commercialize her too much.

·         There were not many highlight packages, were there? They are usually more plentiful and a whole lot funnier – WTF was the deal with that lip reading bit?

And of course it would not be an Idol post from me without the following: bring back the Dunk! I miss you more and more, Bryan Dunkleman!

My New Job, Three Weeks and Three-Quarters of a Day

Well, that solves that problem. They let me go yesterday afternoon. Said it was not a good fit for either party and that I seemed unhappy. No shit, Sherlock. What gave it away? The fact that I sat in my car every morning before the office opened sobbing? The fact that I walked around with a face like a wet weekend because of the poisonous atmosphere? The fact that the work was so mind-numbingly tedious it literally reduced me to tears?

My memory might be playing tricks on me but I truly do not think I had ever been this unhappy in a job before. So much so I was considering quitting. But I am not that American and would never do that so they really did me a huge favor.

Oh! Gotta go, it is time for The Price Is Right…

My New Job, Day 10

So in honor of my 10th day of this new job I had originally decided to do a list – “Top 10 Reasons I Hate My New Job” – but I found it difficult to narrow it down to just 10. Plus it was very depressing, and this blog hasn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs recently, has it?

So I won’t go into details, except to say my job sucks and I hate it. But like the good functioning alcoholic that I am, I am trying to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can, or whatever that AA credo is (can’t be arsed to look it up). And the issues basically fall into three categories: stuff that will change - like the work itself because right now it is all so new and hard for me and the learning curve is very, very steep; stuff that will change if I were to get a different position within the company (and it really does seem like a good company to work for); and stuff that will change temporarily in the winter (there is nowhere to sit outside at lunch and until it cools down, sitting in my car is not feasible).

Plus I really need to stop being such a big whiny baby and remember that in three months of unemployment I had just three job interviews and these people were the only ones who wanted to hire me.

My New Job, Week 1

I hate it. Plus I have had the theme tune to Monk stuck in my head since Friday.

It’s a jungle out there.

My New Job, Day 1

I don't like it.

(Some Of) The Deets

So, yes, I have a job. I start tomorrow. I had a choice of start dates, any time between Monday, April 21 and Monday, April 28. Those of you who know me well will know exactly why I chose Wednesday to start. And I think for the time being I am going to keep where I will be working and what I will be doing on the down low. At least as far as this blog is concerned. Just to add some intrigue to my mundane existence. Suffice it to say, it is like nothing I have ever done before in an industry that I never really knew existed.

A Wednesday start date will mean I was out of work for 14 weeks, three-and-a-half months. But I really did not do much the first two weeks, so let’s call it an even three months. Everyone tells me that is a very short period of time to be job hunting and I guess it is but boy it sure seemed like it was never going to end during those long boring days of scouring the internet for jobs and watching The Price Is Right (I swear, if I ever see another commercial for walk-in bath tubs I will lose it).

I am feeling all sorts of confused and anxious and excited and nervous and I do have a few concerns. For one, I am worried it might be difficult to get back into the rhythm of a regular job, for I have been incredibly lazy during these three months. And my sleep patterns are all out of whack. Once Sammy realized I no longer had to be up at a certain time, he let me sleep in and I made the most of that. Then almost every afternoon I napped. Then when it was finally time for bed I fell asleep on the sofa and crawled into bed only after I woke up to go to the bathroom or Sammy bit me awake, whichever came first.

I’m also concerned about how Sammy will handle it too. Poor thing must be so confused. For years I leave him alone all day and then all of a sudden I am at home with him all day every day. And now I will be gone again for 10-hour stretches. But maybe I am kidding myself and he will be perfectly fine with me being gone again.

Details To Follow…

I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March Sadness

Wow.  A whole month without a post. Partly because there hasn’t been much to write about (I’m taking a wild guess you’re all quite happy I did not detail the major attack of Dehli Belly I had a few weeks ago, right?) but mainly because of my lethargy and unemployment depression. Most days all I can do is crawl out of bed to watch The Price Is Right, nuke a frozen burrito and have a nap until it is time to start drinking (five p.m.). And the initial enthusiasm for the volunteer stuff I was going to do at the hospice has died down (pun intended).

I have been without a job for 10 weeks now. The job market is practically non-existent (at my level, anyway). On Monday, I do finally have my first interview. The ironic thing is, though, it is for a job I did not actually apply for; rather, the company found my resume on one of the job sites I’m on and contacted me, not knowing I was actively looking. I’m not terribly excited about the company or the position but, rather, am looking at the interview as good practice.

But it has not been all doom and gloom this month, I guess. J. paid a visit, his first since his impromptu birthday visit here five years ago. We’re both on limited budgets so that put the kibosh on a lot of stuff, but it was great to catch up.

And then there is my “boyfriend.” (I was going to write “new boyfriend” but seeing as I have never had one before, he does not technically qualify as new.) I finally made arrangements to meet with T., who grew up with D. in “Boston” (I mentioned this briefly in the previous post). Nice guy. Seven dates in three weeks. Zero chemistry on my part. On his, the complete opposite: he is really into me, and was using the G-word after the third date (I still have not used the B-word without using real or air quotes). I’ll go into details at a later date (there was one date that was right out of a Hollywood rom-com) but this is really a classic case of Be Careful What You Wish For (and yes, PLL, I can hear you screaming, “Way to bury the lead” all the way from the Mountain Time Zone).

 

Ends and Firsts

So it is the end of February. The end of my being “paid” because my severance package was for six weeks and that was Wednesday. So now I am on the government’s payroll, so to speak (that is if my claim was approved, I need to check that).

I’ve also seen the end of several friendships lately. Those of you who are on Facebook with me will know that many of my former co-workers proved that we were just that, co-workers and not friends, when they failed to find out how I was doing when I was first laid off. It was so hurtful I had to post something about it and then I unfriended those who had not reached out. It might seem petty but I was really hurt by it. I know I take some of the blame because obviously Evil Twin showed up to work more often than I care to admit, but she can’t stand brown-nosers and boy were there ever a lot of those.

There was also to be a first date this week (D. is pimping me out to someone she grew up with in “Boston” who now lives in Vegas) but my lethargy means that the date will now be sometime in March (watch this space for deets!).

February is also the first month since I started this blog that I have posted less than four times (September and October 2013 had just four entries each). I’ve mentioned before how my goal was at least four posts a month because then it would be like having a real weekly newspaper column (one of my ideal jobs). I’m not beating myself up about it though because I think being laid off is a great excuse.

And in another first, despite the aforementioned lethargy, Good Triplet has been amazing and started volunteering! But in a twist that is classic Evil Twin, guess where that is? At a hospice. I know, right? Of all the places to volunteer, how perfect for me, what with my fascination with death? Deets on that to follow soon too (after I have encountered my first almost-dead person, right now I am still in training).

The First Cut is the Deepest

So it has been four weeks (to the day). This is the day I told myself that if I was still out of work I would start making budget cuts. But what to cut? Fact is, I live pretty frugally anyway. I have a three-year-old cell phone that is on a pay-as-you-go plan, so that won’t make much of a dent. Obviously, car insurance can’t go. I guess I could get rid of my renter’s insurance, but that is not such a good idea, considering where I live – on those “crimes happened here” maps they do in the local paper, you cannot see my apartment building because it is covered in symbols marking what types of crime occurred. I’m making an effort to conserve electricity and water. I guess Netflix could go, but it is only $13 a month and is my only movie source left, now I do not go out to see movies. But my free trial of Microsoft Office ends March 1, and if I still need it, I will have to pay for the whole thing (about $100, I think) or I could go month-to-month for $10. So I am going to keep Netflix unless I do have to buy Microsoft but that is just swapping one bill for another.

So, yes, it has to be done – my biggest bill has to be trimmed. That is my cable/telephone/internet. Internet cannot go, and I could get rid of the telephone but then I would have to increase my cell phone usage, so that should stay. So, yep, it has to be cable. Or at least some of it. Because television is my only non-furry companion and I could never be without at least some channels. It is going to hurt (especially the loss of BBC America) but it has to be done. At least I will still have the channel on which The Price Is Right is shown.

News About Booze

I have not had a drink since the new year...

 

...the Chinese new year!

 

Hahahahahahahahahahaha...

A Clothes Call

The last time I had a job interview was about four years ago, for an internal position. It was also about 20 pounds ago. None of my "interview" clothes fit me anymore. So, coupons in hand, I toddled off to Macy's. Big fat waste of time that was - my local one does not sell plus-size skirts or dresses. WTF? "Rip Macy's a new one on their online comments section" has been added to my Things To Do After I Get A Job list.

So next was Lane Bryant. I try to avoid this place as much as possible because I believe they take emotional and financial advantage of the plus-size shopper. And their designers have obviously never seen a fat chick in their lives. Ruffles on the hip part of tops that will emphasize huge thighs? Check! No sleeves on dresses so fat flappy arms can be on view? Why not! And horizontal patterns? Of course. I could design better clothes and I cannot draw a straight line!

But I did end up making some purchases - a black skirt and top, and, wait for it - two dresses! I cannot remember the last time I bought a dress. I hope I don't get buyer's remorse because I still don't know what came over me. Maybe I was mad at Macy's.

And I was treated so nicely by the two sales reps, one made an extra effort to find my sizes and the other gave me a discount that was supposed to be only for casual wear (sweat pants, etc.). Not sure if it was the accent (over which they were both gushing) or if it was sympathy for my unemployment (I made sure to mention it more than once!).

Oh, a pic of the dresses:

The Day After

Kind of in a funky mood, as you can imagine. Didn't even watch Idol last night, that is how discombobulated I am. Have decided I will not be writing about it, not while I am out of work anyway. Sorry if you were looking forward to those postings.

Had some people from work follow up with me, that was nice. Apparently, I was not the only victims, there were 39 other layoffs. Sad, yes, but all I care about is me. I bet all of those people have local family and friends and significant others to commiserate with, so fuck them. (My problems are bigger because they are mine, right?)

What is really frustrating about this is that I completely understand the decision. I was severely under-employed and really should have been let go a while ago. I got most of my work done by 10 most days and then spent the rest of the time trying to look busy. Mainly I surfed the Net (thank the Universe for Reddit), and typed up this blog's posts. Once I even took in some paperwork from home that needed sorting and did it at work!

There was some minor good news, though: I managed to get that upcoming $150 a month bill canceled. However, I now need to go out and get a new laptop for resume updating and job hunting, so that is a wash, I guess.

I also heard from the apartment people; my rent is going up, but "only" by $20 if I sign a lease ($140 if I go month-to-month). So I need to make a decision about that. I have no emotional ties to Las Vegas and would leave in a heartbeat if I had a job and/or a place to stay waiting for me elsewhere. Colorado is a possibility, of course, but the main reason I left - the weather -is still an issue. My dear friend L. is in CA now and staying with her is an option in the future. So signing a 12-month lease is a risk but if I sign a six-month one and then find a job quickly, I risk another rent hike then. I need to make a decision about that soon.

And another thing that pisses me off is that I was had finally decided to grow out my fake hair color to see what my natural color looked like now. So I have this nasty half mousy brown, half fake blonde look going on right now which was fine for work, but looks terrible for interviews.

So that is where I am, one day into unemployment. I don't know how much I will blog. For those of you who believe, please pray for me. For those of you who do not, please send me vibes.

The Cesspool Just Got Deeper...

I guess the rumor mill was right - they were not done with the changes, because I just got laid off. Oh well. More later. Or maybe not.

Welcome to the Cesspool of Negativity

(A shout-out to co-worker, friend, and loyal reader L. who inspired this post’s title – she thinks I can be a little negative at times! (Her nickname for me is “Dark Side”.))

Things are weird right now. Post-holiday/birthday blues is a big factor. But a lot of it has to do with work. Major management shifts going on, new people in (middle-aged white guys, of course), and some people out (but not the ones I would really like to see go, but rumor has it the purge is not done with yet so one can hope this person or this person might be next). No, I take that back. However much I abhor those two people, I would never wish job loss upon anyone.

And then there is uncertainty about my future in my current apartment. The building has new owners and my lease is up for renewal at the end of February. I cannot afford a huge rent hike but neither can I afford to move.

Then I have a new bill being added to my expenditure that is going to be around $150 a month for the next 18 months.

Then, Idol is back tomorrow, so I have to decide if I am going to watch it and if so, if I am going to blog about it. Because if I don’t that will reduce the number of posts but on the other hand if I do blog about it those of you who do not watch Idol are going to be bored. Decisions, decisions.

Then there is the possibility that it could be a Broncos/49ers Superbowl. This would be awful on so many levels. You all know how much I hate the Broncos so of course I would never root for them, but, on the other hand, if the 49ers were to win that would give them the same number of championship rings as my beloved Steelers and that does not work for me. Because however crappy a season the Steelers have (and this one was bad) we can always say we have more Superbowl wins than anyone else. We will not be able to say that if the 49ers win. But if they don’t win, that means the Broncos will… now can you see why I am in such a mess right now?

So, yes, L. is right - I am a little negative. But I hope you all know I would love nothing more than to write about my fabulous dates with Anderson Cooper, or my adventures at art shows and cocktail parties, or the $150 a month that is being added to my bank account instead of being taken out of it or post pictures of delicious meals I had at Strip restaurants instead of mall food court junk food. But those are not part of my life right now, whilst work upheavals and possible rent hikes are. And I have to write about something, right?

A Dietary Low

After buffets, food courts are a food addict’s favorite place. I was in one this weekend and could not decide what to have. The pizza was smelling yummy, but, look, that place sells fries. Mmmmm. Yeah, so this was my lunch:

 

 And I wonder why my arse is the size of Texas.

Was that my last birthday?

Last Thursday was my ??th birthday. ?? is the age at which I have thought, for as long as I can remember, that I would die. Not in a morbid way, really, because I have come to accept it. I am sure it is pretty obvious I have a bit of a death wish and, to quote Keats “I have been half in love with easeful Death”.

Why this particular age? Maybe it is just a thing I picked up during my impressionable teenage years in the dying days of the Cold War, when I started wearing all black, all the time, listening to too much Morrissey and reading too much Keats (oh, so much Keats).

So was it my last birthday? It totally wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world because I had my “portfolio” reviewed recently and the rate at which me and my measly 401(k) are going, I am never going to be able to afford to retire. I should start practicing now: “Welcome to Walmart.”