Right Question, Wrong Asker

This weekend, one of my neighbors asked for my telephone number. Pop Quiz: from the following descriptions can you guess which one it was?

Guy 1: Face like an angel, a cute Pomeranian named Harrison, whom I always run into on my way to or from the laundry room in the typical laundry-day uniform of sweats and a ratty t-shirt; or in the evenings on a trash and/or mail room run, in my evening wear (which, actually, is just a cleaner version of the laundry-day uniform, but with sometimes a toothpaste-covered zit, my reading glasses and no bra just to finish it off).

Or…

Guy 2: Face like an olive, with breath to match, whom I always run into on my way home from work when at least I am wearing a bra and lip gloss, and also on the only two occasions I have had dates in the past three years, when I was wearing heels and a skirt and a push-up bra and make-up.

Go on, guess…

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I Love You, Tomorrow!

Thursday is my favorite day…

May is my favorite month…

23 is my favorite number…

You do the math…

Idol Thoughts, XII, XXVII

Well, that was a rather lackluster finale, don’t you think? I guess we cannot expect much when the whole season was lackluster. I thought none of the video packages particularly funny (except maybe the bit about Nicki’s wigs) and none of the performances wowed me. I do have some questions, however: Did someone leave Frankie Valli out in the rain and he shrank? Was Mariah lip-syncing? Paula showed up when a contestant sang her song but she couldn’t be bothered to show up for Randy’s farewell? Was it just me or was that whole Aretha Franklin singing in New York just weird? Where was Jimmy? And was that Prince Harry in one of the audience shots?

I’d like to be happy for Candice but last night she confirmed to me what a diva bitch she is. For example… when asked which their favorite Ford mission was, for Candice it was playing car football (Kree chose visiting the children’s hospital). For example… EVERYONE knows that whoever is chosen as their mentor not only gets a free trip to the finale but also a car, so who did Candice chose? Her GRANDMOTHER. For example… her first words after being pronounced the winner? Not a shout-out to her fans or her family or even the guy in the sky? No, her first words were. “Three years.” Yeah, you’re a bitch, Candy-Girl, and I give it “three years” before you are back on Redneck Island selling time shares again.

And there we go, another season done and yes I shall be back for more next year. In the meantime, this blog will return to its regularly scheduled programming…

Idol Thoughts, XII, XXVI

Well, that show was kind of boring. Although I did like the truncated judges’ comments deal. And when they did comment, I thought it classy of the producers to instruct the judges to be nice to Kree and super-nice to Candice, whereas they are usually nasty to Kree and nice to Candice. Good of them to do that for the last show. I guess the smart money is on Candice, but, I don’t know, I just can’t imagine what sort of album she’d make, whereas you just know Kree is going to go the Carrie Underwood/Taylor Swift route, country and pop mix. So... I am going for Candice, but hoping it is Kree, but I won’t be upset if is it Candice because, she might be a Diva Bitch, but she can sing. And at least it is not Uni-Bang!

Idol Thoughts, XII, XXV

Before we get to the results, do you think the body double used in Mariah’s video was also the voice double? Or was that someone else entirely? Anyway, the days of Uni-Bang are over. Yay! And I guess that means I shall be watching next year because, whilst I want Kree to win and I dislike Candice intensely, I will admit she is talented and so if she wins, I am OK with that (unlike last year when it would have been a travesty had the little robot chick won). But to all of Uni-Bang’s fans out there, don’t be disappointed, because, wow, just look at the careers of other third-place finishers like Nikki McKibbin, Vonzell Solomon and Syesha Mercado. Um, OK, on seconds thoughts, don’t.

Idol Thoughts, XII, XXIV

So I guess Candice is the producers’ new favorite. Why else would they give her that pimp song and the pimp position (last performance of the night)? But I cannot get over the feeling that she is just not a nice person. From the start she has emitted major diva vibes. And I can understand her reasons for not doing so, but I think Uni-Bang wasted a huge opportunity not playing the piano for an Elton John song. Oh, and WTF is the deal with Nicki praising Candice and talking about it not mattering what someone looks like – a week after asking if she’d lost weight? Not cool, Nicki, not cool. And I guess Kree won the sympathy vote last night but if she goes through because of that and knocks out Uni-Bang, the producers could live to regret making her video package so intense. But she gets my vote for going home.