The days are melding into one another. Sometimes I only
realize it is the weekend when I go to watch The Price Is Right and instead
there is a gardening program on. I go days without any (non-electronic) human
interaction and on those days sometimes I do not even brush my teeth or change
out of whatever I wore to bed the night before. And when I do have contact with
someone it is usually just the clerk at the liquor store or the library or
whoever is manning the drive-thru window that day on my twice-a-week outings,
one to the library (although the books are returned mainly unread and the DVDs
unwatched because I feel guilty for doing something even remotely pleasurable
when I am out of work) and one for groceries (booze). I could combine these
trips into one but just one outing a week would put me over the edge, I think.
My stay-at-home days follow a very similar pattern: when
I have done all the job-applying for the day I try to eat something (but I have
very little appetite these days). Then it is The Price is Right (today was especially
good – I came within $200 of winning a car and Bob Baker was on it because it
is his 90th birthday, which is funny because the last time I was out
of work it was his 80th birthday. He was still hosting the show then and Adam
Sandler was a special guest. What a coincidence that I am out of work when Bob
Baker has a milestone birthday). Then it is another round of e-mail checking,
just in case. Then I assume the fetal position on the bed or the couch
(whichever is nearest to Sammy) for a few hours where I am either dozing or sobbing.
Then at some point I realize it is after 5 pm so I start drinking. (Of course,
the ironic thing is, back in the day when I had a job and I would take a day
off, apart from the job-hunting and the sobbing, that was how I would spend my
day anyway!)
