My professions of love for Anderson Cooper are inevitably met with the comment, “You do know he’s gay, right?” To which I always reply, “He’s not gay, he just hasn’t met the right fat English chick yet.” But, alas and alack, I cannot say that anymore because… he has met the right fat English chick. Or has he?
What constitutes a meeting? Dictionary.com’s first definition of it is the act of coming together. But does there have to be eye contact? Handshakes? Hugs? Hot sweaty sex? I need to know because I need to know if I met Anderson Cooper or not.
Background: In the run-up to the Nevada caucus, Bernie Sanders held a rally on campus. He used the office building in which I am located as his base camp. The team from 60 Minutes was there to interview him. The room they used is less than 10 feet away from my desk. You all know where this is going, right?
Anderson walks in the lobby, passes my desk, I say “Hello”, he says “Hello” back, he goes into the room… That is it. That is the sum total of my interaction with the love of my life. (I saw him leave but I was further away and he was in a hurry.)
But does that I mean I met him? There was brief eye contact but no touching. Words were exchanged. There was no hot sweaty sex. BUT DID WE MEET???????
Because if we did, then, well, he has met a fat English chick but I am obviously not the right one.
I’ve polled many people on whether or not we technically met. One co-worker (who then later bought me the Starbucks hot chocolate pictured above) asked if, after this encounter, could Anderson have picked me out of a lineup. That is a difficult question to answer because I am so memorable, what with the chins and ass situation, but I truly don’t think he would have, the encounter was so brief.
So, readers, the question is… did I meet Anderson Cooper? Do I have to accept the fact that he is indeed gay, and no fat English chick is going to turn him? Or do I need to revise my comeback when I am told he is gay? Because “No, he just needs to meet me again” is rather lame.
When this picture was taken he was in that room. So close... yet so far...
Oh, Anderson, did
I meet you?
