Yet More Evidence That I Am Not A Nice Person

So one of the many little passive–aggressive tricks I have is quoting statistics from the OMA. The situation usually involves work that I do not want to do. So I will bring up an OMA statistic to try to lessen my workload or get out of the task altogether or just do something my own way.

For example, there is this chick here who is going on vacation and I will be covering some of her workload. She insists her work be proofed on screen. I hate doing this, would much rather proof from paper. So when she continues to insist it be done her way, I said, “You know, the OMA recently did a study that proved up to 38% more mistakes are missed when proofing from a screen than on paper.”

And once I did not want to do a mailing on a Friday morning, so I told my boss that the OMA had proved that mail sent out on a Friday was fives time more likely to be trashed than mail sent out on a Monday.

That’s not so bad, you might be thinking. Well, here is the reason it is bad: OMA? That stands for Out My Ass. I just make up those statistics; I pull them… out… my… ass!

There Goes My Summer...

I called the cable company last night to inquire about web router equipment, and, well, not sure how it happened, because I did not buy anything, but I ended up getting three months free of HBO, Showtime and Cinemax! I’d like to think it was my sparkling personality or my charming wit or even my accent, but I think it was simply my good credit history.

A Three-Day Weekend...

Or, as it is known in my household, three days of boredom, loneliness and misery instead of two. Oh what joy.

Best Non-Birthday Present EVER!!!

Oh, thank you teenage girls of America (and some confused teenage boys). I will watch again next year, Idol. I have never purchased a song from iTunes, but I might just have to with Phillip’s single, I love it. But I have to clarify something – it was not that I necessarily wanted Phillip to win; it was more that I wanted the robot to lose – I would have supported anyone she was up against.

But I thought the show itself rather dull – WTF was the deal with Neil Diamond? Was he saving his voice for his tour or is that how he sings now, Rex Harrison-style? And wow, there were some huge asses on that stage (the least of which was Ryan Seacrest).

This Is Not An Idle Threat About Idol

If Jessica “Stepford Singer” Sanchez wins tonight – you read it here first – I will NEVER watch American Idol again.

Today Is Not My Birthday

But it would be if we could choose when to have our birthdays. Because May is my favorite month. And 23 is my favorite number. Or April 23, because that is William Shakespeare’s birthday. Like most Capricorns, I hate when my birthday is (in my case, January 2): it’s too close to the holidays, people are about to party or have been partying too much, they have already shopped for an Xmas gift and now they have to go back out for a birthday gift, etc., etc. But because of my OCD, I hate it even more. If I have to have a birthday around then, why couldn’t it be January 1, because that is more OCD-friendly than January 2. January 2 is just so… untidy.

So anyway, happy fake birthday to me.

I Read

Someone asked me the other day what I liked to read. I said pretty much anything as long as it is well-written. But I did prefer murder mysteries over, say, romances. Why? Because at my age and looking the way I do, I have a better chance of being murdered than I do of being romanced.

Girl Of 100 Lists

I am really surprised Jane Wiedlin is not a Capricorn, considering she wrote Girl of 100 Lists. Because Capricorns, oh my gosh, we like our lists. Something to do with our ambition and dislike of disorder. I’ll post more later about both my Capricornism (did I just invent a word?) and my rather OCD approach to list-making (I have a collection of “Top 101” lists (because, really, anyone can put together a top 100), and I write daily to-do lists (yes, daily)) but in the meantime, I wanted to introduce what will be a recurring theme on this blog: An MF List!

I have lived in the following cities: 

Bristol
Harlow
Pittsburgh
Boulder
Denver
Las Vegas

I would live in any of these places given the chance:
London
Bristol
St. Wolfgang/Vienna/Salzburg
Paris
Florence
Prague
San Francisco/San Antonio/San Diego
Toronto
Edinburgh
Malibu
Manhattan
Anderson Cooper's laundry basket

Who Are You?

OK, so, I have solved the theme/tagline dilemma. Now I have to think about this blog’s audience.

Here’s the deal: I was born in England. Currently, I live in Las Vegas. Up until a few years ago, the only things my family knew about my life was what I told them. Then social networks came along. Which some family members joined. And I had to join because I wanted to find out what a former friend was up to and, darn those sites, you have to join to be able to do that. So I did. But once I posted something about something (I am sure it was slightly salacious. Or involved alcohol. Or both.) and of course it got back to my family and so I have curtailed my social networking. There is so much about My American Life that I cannot share with The English Contingent. It is imperative they not know anything other than what I tell them. Which isn’t much. Just enough for them not to worry about me. Which means I make stuff up. For example, I make up friends. My parents worry about my being lonely, which I am, terribly, but I do not want them to know that. So my best friends in Vegas are a couple called Nick and Sarah. Like the characters in CSI. Which is set in Vegas. Get it? Ha!

Anyway, so, for family reasons, I cannot mention this blog on my social networking pages.

But I want it to be read.

But I’d kind of like to stay anonymous too. Is that even possible in this day and age?

But I'd like my friends to read it, and some co-workers too. But I know I am going to say some things about my work situation that can never get back to the higher-ups. I’d also like to vent about some friends too, but how will that be possible if they read it?

It’s a lemon dilemma.

How about I just invite a few friends and co-workers to read it, tell them about not getting The English Contingent involved, and take it from there? Sound like a plan?