The Citizenship Chronicles, #19

Oh my gosh, it’s tomorrow, can you believe it? A date which will live in infamy indeed, because then you’ll be stuck with me, America, the leftie drunkard that I am! People have been asking me if I am excited or nervous and, because of how effed up I am, I am more worked up about finding parking and the partying afterwards than the ceremony itself. I’ve also been telling everyone that I plan to cross my fingers during the swearing to god part because, “You can make me an American but you can’t make me a believer.”

And another weird thing I am looking forward to once it is all over is finally telling my parents about it. Yep, I have not told them. Some of you know about the rather strange relationship I have with my folks (ugh! I am sounding so American already!). I haven’t seen them since December, 1999 and even though we talk every week we don’t communicate much at all. If it wasn’t for the weather, yard sales and Sammy we wouldn’t have much to talk about at all. I try not to worry them (any more than I already do, living several thousand miles away) so I usually tell them stuff after the fact, always starting the conversation off with, “Guess what I did this week?” (Got married, got divorced, got a tattoo, had my gall-bladder removed; you know, little stuff like that.)