Back To Zero

One of the many reasons I hate driving is because of all the accidents I have had (although, as far as my insurance company is concerned, I have had NONE). I think it is about five in Denver and five in Vegas. The latest was last week. I’m not going to go into details (because details make it harder to be in denial) but whenever I do have an accident it makes me question my atheism. I mean, I am never going to describe myself as a believer, and on official documentation and Facebook, I list myself as an atheist. However, if a gun was held to my head, I might cop to being an agnostic, but nothing beyond that (unless the gun was held to Sammy’s head and then I would say whatever it is you wanted me to say). Anyway, so, there I am, happily driving along for a few months without an accident and my confidence slowly rises and I start to think that, hmm, maybe I will finally drive to that casino in Vegas and spend the $40 gift card I’ve had for two years now; or maybe I will meet some friends for lunch in the Green Valley area; and then, crash, bang, wallop, I have an accident. And my confidence goes back to zero. But here is where I question my belief system: what if I do have a higher power and It knows that driving could be my downfall and It wants to protect me so when It senses my confidence rising, pow! It puts a bicyclist in front of me to knock the confidence out of me? That “what if?” and many like it are the reasons I cannot fully commit to atheism (but don’t tell the Facebook people that).