More Evidence That (If He Existed) God Hates Me (But Loves Irony)

I had a salad for lunch today. Now, those of you who know me know immediately that that piece of information alone is worth a posting. But, no, that is not the news here: the news is that I almost choked to death eating said salad. How effing ironic is that? I have the unhealthiest diet ever and the one time I attempt to eat something healthful, I almost DIE. If he existed, I’d think that was god’s way of telling me to stick to chip butties and vodka.