One is the loneliest number

It's the loneliest number since the number one. Cats do not have opposable thumbs. That is all.

The First Idol Post of the Season

If Daniel Seavey wins, I am never watching Idol again. That is all.

One Week

 

Neighbors were selling it. Less than six months old, 40 inches, $150. Of course I jumped at it. Of course it was the day before I was let go. Ad went on Craig’s List the day after I was let go. Sold it today. Made a $25 profit, but still. It was a glorious week of television watching. Back to 20 inches. Sigh.

Once… Twice… Three Times a Loser

Yep, new new job is done. They let me go this afternoon. Said I was not “picking it up quickly enough.” Which confirms my suspicions that I am too old to learn new stuff. I really did try, this time. I mean, with the first new job I can understand why they let me go, but not with this one. I was learning more every day but I guess my pace was “too slow for their business model” (that phase was bandied about in the exit interview) (gag). But whilst I am devastated I have once again lost a job (that is three in 12-and-a-half months) I really am not devastated I lost this job. Because that commute was a bitch and there was some intense favoritism going on there (to those who have the same last name as the owners, if you know what I mean) and it was way too sales-oriented (I told them at my interview I could not sell a cup of water to a man dying of thirst).

So what now? Well, first off, I am not plugging this post on Facebook. And I will not send a link to some friends like I usually do. I am not telling anyone yet (well, I told one person so far but only because I hope he is sympathetic enough to want to fuck me. Kind of hard (ha!) though considering he lives in California, and has a wife and all). I am going to lay low this weekend (by that I mean drink myself into a stupor) and I shall not be answering my phone (should it ring) or reply to any texts or emails. Right now I cannot think beyond this booze-filled weekend.

What a loser I am.

My New New Job, Three Weeks And One Day

Phew! I have survived longer at this job than my last one!! Yeah, only by a quarter of a day but still. Who knows for how much longer, though, because well, as it stands right now, I do not think there will be enough work for me. It could be that it is just a quiet sales period for the industry (something to do with selling electronic components - I haven’t yet got a good grasp on what it is they do exactly. But if you think that is bad, I still can’t quite remember the company’s name because it is really similar to a previous company I worked for (well, similar in the sense that both names begin with C), plus they have a subsidiary (that one buys the components (I think)), so I just keep referring to the business card I have stuck on my computer (I say it is there because I haven’t memorized the fax number or the address yet – can’t really tell them the real reason, right?!).)

Anyway, I know this is a terrible attitude to have, what with the year I just had, but frankly, should they chose not to continue my employment, I would not be that devastated. Because the commute is bad. Well, me-bad. For the average American it is probably, well, average. Plus the learning curve is pretty steep. Either that or I am just too old to be learning new stuff.

One positive is that I have been eating healthier because of it. There are no vending machines in the building and it is located in the middle of nowhere, with nothing nearby. Well, there is a 7-eleven, but it would require making a left turn to get to it, so that’s not feasible. So I eat only what I take with me and I have been taking only relatively healthy stuff like almonds and pineapple and grapes and protein bars and Lean Cuisines.

On, and sexy bicep tattoo guy just keeps getting hotter. He is really nice (bastard) but he can be a bit moody which makes him even hotter. I think his SO is older than him, too, so maybe he likes older women. Now, if only he liked fat ones too, and wasn’t fussy about cheating, then I’d be set.

My New New Job, Day 1

I don’t hate it, but… meh. After almost a year of no other job offers I cannot afford to be picky. I just have to suck it up. I did find out sexy bicep tattoo guy has a significant other and kids. Or dogs. Or even cats. (He referred to them in a species-neutral way.)

Year in Review - 2014 Edition

For reasons unbeknownst to me, my first Year in Review post (2012 edition) continues to be the most read of this blog. This put an enormous amount of pressure on the shoulders of the 2013 YIR post. Unfortunately, it could not match the numbers of its predecessor (not even close – 768 views compared to 16). So had 2014 been a “normal” year I would have striven to make its YIR entry stand out. But that was not destined to be, for whilst the first 14 days were OK, and the last nine proved to be quite nice, the rest of 2014 was quite sucky. So, to the majority of 2014, I have just one thing to say: Go fuck yourself.

Is today my last day on Earth?

Tomorrow is my ??th birthday. Which means today is my last day of being ?? years old. As this post explains, I have long believed I would not live much past ??. Because I have been preoccupied with other things this past year, I had forgotten that this might be the year I die. But had I not been watching The Price is Right job-hunting, would this past year have been lived differently? Not really, I suppose. I mean, if I knew for certain I was going to die, I would have tried to fit in visits to various places (England, New Zealand, Denver, Pittsburgh, etc.), but that would be impossible anyway, because of Sammy and money issues. Oh, I just thought of something: maybe that is why the Universe conspired to keep me out of work for such a long time – to take my mind off my imminent death. Ironically, I would have been out of work for some of the year anyway, if I could guarantee my death, because no effing way am I working if I do not need to and if I am going to be dead then I would not need to work.  

So, with no plans to drive today (no plans to even get dressed, still in my nightwear (Superbowl XL t-shirt)), the probable way I am going to die is eliminated. There is still the chance of the heart attack (the second probable cause of my death). There is nothing I can do about that today (although starting Monday I am going to try (I even bought almonds from Trader Joe’s)).

But wait, when I have thought about it, I have always used the disclaimer “not much past.” So maybe I will live to see my ??th birthday tomorrow, but will die later (well, yeah, that is kind of guaranteed). So then this raises the issue of how much time is “not much past”. A week, three months, two years? I think my OCD would dictate that “not much” to mean I would still be closer to ?? than ??. And so any time before my half birthday (July 3) falls into the “not much past” timeframe. So, yeah, OK, I will give up on my belief of dying “not much past age ??” if I am still alive on the 4th of July this year.

(As Promised) The Deets

Those of you who are Facebook friends know that I got a job!!!!!!! And I promised details, so here goes…

Actually, I think, like The Job From Hell of this past spring, I am going to keep most of the details to myself. Suffice it to say, this time it is in an office setting, although it too is in an industry that is new to me. I hope that is all it has in common with TJFH. I start January 5, exactly 10 days before the one year anniversary of being laid off. The commute is rather hairy (for me, that is: none of the Americans reading this would be fazed by it) and it is located literally in the middle of nowhere, with nary a 7-Eleven nearby. But I am looking upon that as a positive as far as eating is concerned because I have to do something about my weight and this way, with no lunchtime temptations, I will be forced to eat whatever it is I take with me. Pay could be better, but I am not exactly in a position to complain about that; and the dress code is casual. The staff is small, about 10, and one of them has a bicep tattoo I would like to lick.

Sammy’s Third Annual Holiday Message

I think of all the sad and pathetic things my 11-month long (11 months!) bout of unemployment has caused, the story behind this picture of Sammy is amongst the saddest.

I’d never sent out a holiday picture before Sammy came along because I had never loved anything enough to picture it and share it with people (well, I think I might have briefly flirted with the idea of sending out a pic of my tattoo the year I got that, but never got around to it. Because I never loved it as much as I love Sammy). Now, selecting an image and getting it all dolled up in the holiday-themed embellishments offered by the online photo people is the highlight of my summer (I’m organized and do not have a life – I get stuff done early).

This year was different, of course. First off, the pic was taken on my iPad, not on my regular film camera (yes, I still have one of those. I have a landline phone too. Luddites Forever!). I’ve taken a ton of pics of Sammy but for financial reasons the film rolls remain undeveloped. Thankfully, I caught him at a good angle (he is watching the pigeons) while my iPad was switched on and decided to go with this one for the very few I would have to have printed out this year, just for the English contingent (because they do not – and cannot – know I am out of work, so I have to keep up at least a semblance of normalcy when it comes to them). But even though I got fewer printed out this year, I still had to cut as many financial corners as possible so the paper quality is much lower this year. And I usually avoid a Christian-based greeting (not out of political correctness but out of atheism) but this year I couldn’t even be arsed with that.

But I wanted everyone else to see it for Sammy’s annual message. Which, coincidentally, has been every year on December 17. Well, a coincidence this year because when I got up this morning, after my daily online job hunt was over, I decided I should get around to doing it. I checked the last two postings, to see what they were titled, and discovered they too were posted on December 17 (I am sure last year I did that on purpose but I have no memory of doing so, but last year my life was relatively calm and I wasn’t an unemployed mess). But it is just one of many coincidences my life has been riddled with recently, the freakiest being that the guy whose Craig’s List ad I answered (something to do with BBWs and pearl necklaces) turned out to be someone I used to work with! Freaky because I have literally only worked with about, maybe, 100 people, tops, in my seven years in Vegas, and maybe only 30 of them were men.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so to make this even more pathetic, I no longer have access to a scanner (one used to sit on my desk, back in the halcyon days when I had a – gasp! – job!). So, yeah, the above is a badly positioned, iPad-taken picture of a poor-quality photo that came from an iPad picture!

But what does that matter because, in the end, it is a picture of my beautiful boy who has kept me going through these miserable months. I hope this picture of him brings you as much joy as the real version of him brings me. And I hope your holiday season, however you celebrate it, is filled with delight.