Domestic Accident Claims Life of “Corker”

Las Vegas – Dec. 10, 2013 – In what is being called a senseless domestic tragedy, Winged Corkscrew, or “Corker” as he was known to his family, lost his life in the kitchen of his adopted mother, MF, on Saturday evening.

Through her attorney, MF provided this statement: “My heart is breaking at the loss of Corker, but I take comfort in the fact that he died doing what he loved – opening my regular Saturday night bottle of wine.”

In a Blog, MF, Blog exclusive, MF spoke to us about the night in question: “It was just a regular Saturday night,” MF said, her voice breaking. “As always, I had nowhere to go and nothing to do, so, being the borderline alcoholic that I am, I decided to open a bottle of wine. My leftover Chinese food from the evening before was reheating in the microwave, an episode of Monk was playing on the TV, Corker’s brother, Sammy, was licking himself and the next thing I know, Corker is in pieces on my kitchen counter. Good thing I had a spare bottle of vodka in the back of the freezer, otherwise it would have been a very boring Saturday night.”

It is this insensitive attitude that has some suspecting foul play, but a source close to the investigation who wished to remain anonymous said, “He was overworked, simple as that. (MF) may be a cold-hearted lush, but in her own way, she loved Corker.”

And in another Blog, MF, Blog exclusive, an official scene-of-crime photo has been obtained. Warning: more sensitive readers may be disturbed by the image presented below.

Born on an unknown date in China, Corker was brought to the US by an adoption agency known as “Walmart” where he ended up in one of their Las Vegas homes. He was adopted by MF sometime in the spring of 2011. He spent many happy hours in a silverware drawer but his true joy, his raison d’etre, was opening the many (oh so many) bottles of wine enjoyed by MF. As MF’s attorney remarked: “Corker led an extraordinary life, filled to the brim with frequent bottle opening.”

Sammy was too disinterested distraught to provide a comment.