An Open (Holiday) Letter To A (Former) Friend

I met T. at work several years ago in Boulder. We became instant friends for many reasons, one being that she was just a nice person, giving and open and wise; another being our shared weight problem (although she has since had surgery). I will be forever grateful to her for many things, not the least of which is her introducing me to E., my darling Kiwi, who in turn introduced me to D., my favorite person from “Boston”. Life (hers, because like now, I did not have one then either) got in the way a bit towards the end of my time in Denver and we were not as close as we once were but I still considered her a dear friend and we used to hang out every now and again. One night, we went to a concert. She paid for my ticket because I was out of work at the time. I sent her a thank you note afterwards.  I never knew if she got the note or not because that was the last time I heard from her until last year. The following is the note I included in the holiday card I sent her this year.

OK, so, well, as you know, I was super-curious as to why I had not heard from you in such a long time (ever since the Bette Midler concert) and despite my many outreach efforts I never heard anything from you, just your impersonal form letter at Xmas. But then – lo and behold, it is an Xmas miracle – I finally get a note from you in last year’s card. You explained your distance (major health issues for both you and your husband and life in general keeping you busy) and invited me to catch up via e-mail. I promptly sent you an e-mail saying how great it was to hear from you at last, catching you up on my life and the lives of friends you’d once been acquainted with, commiserating you on the health issues, and telling you how much I was looking forward to renewing our friendship and hearing back from you.

I really don’t have to tell you what happened next, right? Yep, that’s right – Nothing. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Diddly-squat.

And so here we are, Xmas once again. I’d decided back in mid-March, when I was clearing out my e-mail files and came across my unanswered e-mail to you that it was time to stick a fork in me. Yep, I was done. Enough was enough. If our friendship meant so little to you that you could not take even five minutes out of your oh-so-busy life then I would strike you from my holiday card list.

So, that of course begs the question – why am I sending you this note in a holiday card? One reason, and one reason only (and one of the only reasons I do much of anything these days): Sammy. My beautiful Sammy. Just look at the enclosed pic. How handsome is he? I truly had decided to just let it be; your abandonment of our friendship hurt but ultimately it was beyond my control. But then I get yet another awesome picture of Sammy and I just want everyone to see it, relatives, co-workers, friends, and former friends. Hence my sending you this.

You may have also noticed I have sent this to you rather early, much earlier than I will send out the rest of my holiday cards. That is because I wanted to let you know that you no longer have to feel obligated to keep me on your Xmas mailing list. I finally really have no curiosity about you and your life anymore, I don’t care about your car or house or job or the recipe for cookies or where you and your husband went on vacation this year (remember one year it was Vegas? Vegas! Where I live.). I am not interested. I wish you nothing but the best, my former friend, but I no longer care.