Rejoice, For I Am Born Again!

One of the many spreadsheets I keep is called the P List and it is a record of my adventures with penises (peni?). Keeping this record led to my instigating a celebration if I ever reached the one-year mark of not bumping uglies. I would finally open the bottle of Moet & Chandon that is always (no exaggeration) in my fridge. I wanted a special excuse to drink this and what better excuse than being a born-again virgin (it grows back if you don’t do anything for a year). In the 15 or so years I have been keeping the list, there were only two occasions on which I reached the one-year mark (there was a dry spell in the late 90’s in Boulder and another in the early 00's in Denver). I came close a couple more times. In fact, just last year, I made the deadline with just 16 hours to spare. But not this year. For today I am re-born! Today marks one year exactly since I knew someone biblically. I can call myself a virgin again! And next Saturday (because a Sunday is not special enough to open a bottle of champagne), I will celebrate my new purity!