This Is One List I Will Never Make

Most of you know how obsessed I am with lists and that at times I can barely function without them. But I do not have a bucket list because I think keeping a bucket list is a pretentious thing to do and you all know how much I hate pretention. Just because you have a bucket list does not mean you will achieve anything on it. And having cool things on your list does not make you cool.

And ask yourself this: what happens if you die suddenly and then someone finds your bucket list and there is a ton of stuff on it that you never got around to doing – how sad is that? People would think you died unfulfilled and how embarrassing is that? “Ah, poor old Colin, he wanted to run with the bulls in Spain but the closest he got was being kicked in the balls during a soccer match.” Or, “Check this out – Helen wanted to cross off ‘Go to Paris’ from her bucket list but all she managed to do was cross off ‘Midnight In Paris’ from her Netflix list.” 

When I die there will be a lot of things I haven’t done that I would have liked to, but no one is going to know about it.

But I think, really, it just comes down to my jealousy, pure and simple. Because, unlike Helen, I can cross off “Go to Paris” from my list, but I cannot cross off “Have someone list me as their emergency contact on an official form”; I can cross off “Attend a professional tennis game at Wimbledon’s Center Court” but I cannot cross off “Have someone call me before they go to sleep because mine is the last voice they want to hear.” You know, those little, everyday things that normal people (i.e., not fat lonely losers) take for granted.