The Citizenship Chronicles, #20

More on the ceremony and the whole day another time, but first wanted to share these pics with you - my co-workers went a little nuts!

The Citizenship Chronicles, #19

Oh my gosh, it’s tomorrow, can you believe it? A date which will live in infamy indeed, because then you’ll be stuck with me, America, the leftie drunkard that I am! People have been asking me if I am excited or nervous and, because of how effed up I am, I am more worked up about finding parking and the partying afterwards than the ceremony itself. I’ve also been telling everyone that I plan to cross my fingers during the swearing to god part because, “You can make me an American but you can’t make me a believer.”

And another weird thing I am looking forward to once it is all over is finally telling my parents about it. Yep, I have not told them. Some of you know about the rather strange relationship I have with my folks (ugh! I am sounding so American already!). I haven’t seen them since December, 1999 and even though we talk every week we don’t communicate much at all. If it wasn’t for the weather, yard sales and Sammy we wouldn’t have much to talk about at all. I try not to worry them (any more than I already do, living several thousand miles away) so I usually tell them stuff after the fact, always starting the conversation off with, “Guess what I did this week?” (Got married, got divorced, got a tattoo, had my gall-bladder removed; you know, little stuff like that.)

Dress Code

HR just sent out an e-mail stating that western wear is appropriate attire this week because the rodeo is in town. I wonder what the dress code is when the porn star awards are here?

The Citizenship Chronicles, #18

Oh my gosh, I cannot get away from my fears of being caught out as a Commie boozer! I was just looking over the final paperwork in preparation for the swearing-in ceremony and look at this:

Will it ever end?!!!

A Thanksgiving Story

My first few Thanksgivings (because we do not have that holiday in England) were spent in Pittsburgh with a family of Polish descent. It wasn’t until I spent the day with other people that I realized kielbasa sausage was not a traditional Thanksgiving meal staple. I’ve since attended various get-togethers where that particular family’s traditions were on display (oyster stuffing at one; roasted turnips at another; vodka and potato chips at yet another (OK, that might have been at my place)).  (I turned down an invitation to spend the day with 12 vegetarian lesbians (or Vagitarians as they called themselves) so I cannot report on what they served.) 

But by far the strangest Thanksgiving menu I ever saw was at a then-friend’s place. As I tried to spoon the rather thick and gelatinous green bean casserole onto my plate I was told, “Oh, we make our green bean casserole with cream cheese.” Okay. (And yes, it tasted as good as it sounds.) Then, after I helped myself to turkey, I looked around for the gravy boat. There was none. Yep. No gravy. But the most heinous culinary crime was their potatoes. For this family, their tradition was to serve potato salad. On Thanksgiving.  If it wasn’t for the well-stocked liquor cabinet, I would have left then and there. Potato salad. On Thanksgiving. The very memory still sends shivers down my spine.

The Citizenship Chronicles, #17

Got the date! December 7!

An Open Letter to the Voters of America

Thank you.

The Citizenship Chronicles, #16

Still pretty much on an emotional roller-coaster because of the interview yesterday, so here is a collection of random comments on the entire affair:

As I have mentioned before, I have a completely illogical dislike of some things because of other unrelated things (this post explains it better). So, because I never wanted to move to Colorado in the first place (long story), I hate the Broncos. (It makes sense in my warped mind.) Plus they have beaten the Steelers on occasion, so that makes me hate them more (although, by that logic, I should hate pretty much every NFL team, right?). So whenever I see a Broncos t-shirt or bumper sticker or anything like that, I automatically say, “Broncos suck.” It just comes out naturally. So I cannot tell you how proud I am of the restraint I showed when, the first thing I see when I walk into the INS interviewer’s office, is a Broncos mug. I almost blew it all then and there. But I was good (although I did mention I was a Steelers fan at some point).

Questions. I’ve forgotten some of the five (or it could have been six) questions I was asked. That’s not surprising, really, I was quite nervous. The three I definitely remember were, Who is the governor of NV? (Bryan Sandoval); Where is the Statue of Liberty (New York Harbor); and Name two national holidays (Christmas and Thanksgiving). One, the answer was George Washington, but I cannot remember if it was, Who is the father of our country? or, Who was the first president? There might have been one whose answer was the civil rights movement and the other one I think was something about what do you promise to do when you become a citizen. I answered uphold the Constitution and then he asked “Anything else?” I added to serve in the military if needed, but I was thinking, dude, if I am needed to serve in the military, then this country is in one hell of a mess!

When he asked me if I was ready for the test I said I was because “I’m a bit of a history buff.” He then said, “Oh, in that case I will give you the most difficult test.” I have no idea if this is true or not (as I was leaving he repeated that it was the most difficult test and that he actually did not give that one very often) but seriously, from what I remember of the questions, that was the “most difficult” test? What are the easy ones like?

The majority of the interview consisted of the interviewer basically asking the exact same questions that were on the original paperwork. In fact, he had a copy of mine in front of him and was just making large check marks on it as he asked me the questions. I think I may have hesitated slightly and/or blushed when it came to the Communism question because, technically, whilst I have never been a member of the Communist Party, my politics are extremely left-leaning. I am absolutely positive I would have blushed on the habitual drunkard question but that was one of the paperwork questions that was not asked!

More to come if I remember more!

The Citizenship Chronicles, #15

Will do a full report later but just wanted to let you know that, despite the INS interviewer being a Broncos fan, I passed!!!!

The Citizenship Chronicles, #14

It's the interview tomorrow. OMG, indeed.