Sleeping Duty IV – Home at Last

 

So remember, just before I got laid off and descended into 18 months of hell, I did a sleep study? Not sure if I ever mentioned it because I was too preoccupied with finding a job, but I never got around to picking up the equipment. I planned to – I literally had just gotten off the phone making arrangements to pick it up when my boss called me into his office. The rest, as they say, is history. Yes, I know, I still had medical insurance and could have gotten the equipment but I did not want to take on the extra expenses not covered by my insurance just in case my unemployment lasted a while. Talk about prophetic, right?

Anyway, recently I decided I should finally get off my fat arse and deal with this. Of course because so much time has passed I could not just go ahead and pick up where I left off. I had to do the sleep study again. And this one was vastly different. I was in a different room, for one, not as nice and located directly off the reception area, which at times was very noisy. Secondly, I did not fall asleep as quickly (this one was scheduled way earlier in the evening) and there was concern that not enough data had been gathered to provide a diagnosis. One similar thing? I once again had slightly racist dreams (this one involved a mariachi band playing outside my window).

But the biggest difference this time was that I had a male technician conducting the study. This did not bother me at first, mainly because he wasn’t my type so I did not care that he was seeing me in just knickers and my beloved-but-ratty Steelers t-shirt. In fact, I was so much at ease that as he was sticking the wires all over me, I blurted out, “Well that’s the most action I have gotten in a long time.” (Which, technically, is true.) However, I think he took that as carte blanche because the banter that followed was borderline-offensive.  He went on about how his wife is also a BBW and how he couldn’t understand how men can sleep with skinny chicks. He told me he had not had sex in at least three weeks (yeah, try four years, buddy) and that he could not understand why I was single (this threw me at first because I had not mentioned anything about this, but then I remembered “Marital Status” was a question on the intake paperwork). It started to make me feel a little uncomfortable and I think this contributed to my inability to fall asleep quickly, but, as I said, I think my initial comment started it all off. Which I know is classic victim-blaming, but still.

Anyway, turned out there was enough data because, last week, I picked up the equipment! But I do not like it. It is not Darth Vader-ish noisy like the equipment used in the study but there are leaks that shoot up into my eyes and it makes my mouth dry and I cannot really lay on my side and the headgear is tight and if I have an itchy nose I have to remove the mask and then if I do not put it back on properly it makes farting noises and I have to buy distilled water to put in it and clean parts of it daily and weekly and replace some parts every three months and pay for it for 13 months (then I own it) and on nights I drink heavier than usual and pass out on the sofa I can’t be arsed to put it on for the remainder of the night when I crawl into bed and when I get up to pee I do not put it back on either and yeah, well, I do not like it. But maybe it will get better and maybe I will see health benefits but right now not so much.