The Gift That Keeps On… Being Given to Me

 

For Christmas 2018 a co-worker gave me the magnet pictured above.  A few months later she betrayed me/stabbed me in the back/threw me under a bus/threatened to report me to HR because I have a DNR order/took someone else out to lunch, etc., etc. I can’t remember exactly what it was (there have been a lot of issues with this particular co-worker), just that it was something. And I do not forgive easily and I never forget. And because I am petty I hold grudges forever. So on my next visit to Goodwill that magnet went with me. Because whenever I looked at it, it reminded me of her and whatever it was she did to upset me.

Cut to summer of 2020. During my once-a-week visit to the office during lockdown another co-worker happened to be there too. She approaches me and in her hands she has an object I could not see that she is cleaning with a disinfectant wipe (remember this was at the height of the pandemic and this person was a germaphobe before COVID, so, yeah, her wiping down something was not unusual). Then she starts to tell me that she has had this for a long time but had not gotten around to giving it to me before we went into lockdown. Now, here is when I have one of my famous clairvoyant moments (click here for an example) because I immediately and thoroughly and utterly knew that what she had in her hands was the very same magnet. And, Whoomp! (There It Is), indeed it was. What are the odds? Well, actually, let’s consider that: these two co-workers are of similar age and socioeconomic backgrounds so it is not beyond the realm of possibility that they shop in similar places (an aside: doesn’t that look like something they’d sell in Michaels or Stein Mart?).

Anyway, I decided to keep this one because, well, I don’t know, when she gave it to me it reminded me of that cheesy saying “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” This certainly came back to me! And I do actually like it: its color scheme fits in perfectly with my kitchen and, well, I *am* the world’s best cat mom. But it is one of the very few cat-themed gifts (hereinafter referred to as C-TGs) that I have kept and, holy hell, there have been a lot of them.

So, because it is around my half-birthday (even my half-birthday is near a major holiday - #FML) I am going to have a bitch session about this issue. Because this madness has to stop. Because I am utterly sick of it.

However, before we go on, I should address two issues: not all C-TGs are useless – a calendar is a handy item whatever is emblazoned upon it. But those are few and far in between. Most of these items would not be given to me (or anyone for that matter, that is how rank some of them have been) unless it had a fucking picture of a cat upon it and that is what pisses me off the most: I don’t think many people realize that I don’t actually like cats all that much. Only Sammy. (And there are times when I am not that overly fond of him.)

And, secondly, I have been guilty of giving C-TGs on occasion: the first birthday my fellow fur mama L. celebrated after Sammy and me rescued each other I did bestow a C-TG upon her. But that was because I was so giddy about being a new cat mom. And when E.D. adopted two cats (hello, George and Graci!) I welcomed her to the fur mama club with a C-TG. But those were one-offs.

And the reason for this post now is because Christmas 2020 was particularly bad.  I can say that easily 75% of my Xmas and birthday presents (and I lump those two together because of the proximity of the dates) were C-TGs. One of them didn’t even make it into my apartment – I went to my mailbox on my way out, opened the parcel in my car and then because I just happened to be driving by it anyway, dropped one of them off at Goodwill! (Goodwill has made a killing off my family and friends’ lazy and thoughtless gift choices.) Interesting aside: the remaining 25% was pretty evenly split between alcohol-themed gifts (A-TGs?) or chocolate – and you will never hear me complain about those two types of prezzies! But not combined – I love liquor and I love chocolate but not together. Yuck.

I know some of you reading this might be hurt and for that I do apologize. I value your friendship beyond measure, it’s just that I want you to stop wasting your money on crappy C-TGs for me. When considered a gift for me (that is if you still want to give me prezzies after reading this!) ask yourself these two questions: what did you get me before Sammy existed? And what will you get me after Sammy dies?