The Leadership Chronicles: Now what - Hollywood or Mary Kay?

When I was a little girl, I first wanted to be a ballet dancer. My dad nixed that plan when he told me I did not have the figure for it (haters don’t hate: he was completely right and better that my dream be crushed when it was nascent, before I nurtured such a completely unrealistic goal). Then I wanted to be an actress. I even joined an amateur dramatics club for teens. But I was really, really bad at it. Or at least I thought I was. That was until this course. Because what I did there has made me consider packing up and moving to Hollywood. I tell you, Meryl Streep had nothing on me those three days. So either I head to Hollywood or I start selling Mary Kay, because I faked it ‘til I made it.

At several points during the course I thought I would truly speak my mind and tell everyone what utter BS I thought it all was - and this was going to be full-on, not the passive-aggressive digs I got in now and again. But things kept delaying that reveal. I finally decided to put up and shut up because I realized everyone else was really into it. It mattered to them and I was not going to be the one who let down the team. It was at this point that I decided that I might as well go along with it, because it would be over soon and I would never see any of these people again. So I released my inner Meryl and acted my ass off.

I faked an enthusiasm for taking part in class discussions, and stood up and spouted some buzz word I knew would be popular – Vision! Growth! Effort! Enthusiasm!  As soon as I sat down I had forgotten what I had said, because what I really wanted to say was I am in hell! What a waste of time! Kill me now! Plus by this point I was on to their little games and knew that if I did not stand up I would have been called out for not doing so.

When I had finished a writing assignment, I faked writing more by either making notes for these posts or just simply moving my pen around above the page.

I pretended my tears were because I was so moved by what myself and others had achieved, but really I was dreading what was to come and wishing it were all over.

I got up to do whatever the latest lesson was as early as possible, not because I was keen to do so but because I wanted to get it over and done.

Fortunately I managed to not to have to speak when we had to describe how we were going to apply our newfound skills in our personal life, because what could I have said? They were all going on about how they would be a better sibling, or spend more time with their children. I mean, what was I going to say? Um, I’ll give my cat more wet food? Or I’ll be really nice to the cashier at the liquor store?

And it was a testament to my acting skills, and the aforementioned dramatic board breaking attempts that led to me being voted Most Improved Student! Ha! Oh my poor team mates, little do they know.

The winner of this was announced during our graduation ceremony, which took place in the dining room, the staff sat up front, the team in a half circle around them, with guests at the back. I knew I had won it because of the way the staff decided to present it. Mr. Clean conferred with the Tight-Ass Triplets and decided that one of the students would announce the winner and he chose me to do that. Seriously? Yeah, so I knew right off it was me. And it was. And when I announced my own name (I had to open up and read the name on one of the voting slips we’d filled in) everyone cheered and hugged me and oh my gosh, they were all so into it! Then of course I had to make a speech.

I remembered everything that had impressed the team, everything the staff had said, and brought it all together. I said the first thing I was going to do when I got home was change my name because “I am a different person thanks to this class!” That I would also need to buy a new dictionary because mine had the word “try” in it and I do not try any more, I do. I said I could have taken this class two months ago and I deeply regret not doing so because that would have been two months longer with all this new knowledge and confidence and skill set. I told them that when I walked into this building I only had three friends (not that much of an exaggeration, actually). “But you know what?” I said, “When I leave today I have 15 more!”

But I am going to conclude this series with the lines that concluded my speech. I am most proud of this and even to this day, over three months later, it still cracks me up. And this produced the biggest cheer from the graduation audience because they drank the Kool-Aid I was serving.

“So, as you all know, I complained a lot over the last few days, but my first complaint was about how close together the chairs were. But you know what? Now they are too far apart!”

Now they are too far apart.