I
am sure it will come as no surprise that this course included some physical
tests; in this case, having to lift someone and be lifted, and that
super-clichéd, karate-style board breaking deal (had this been outside I am
sure there would have been that even more clichéd fire walking stuff).
Apparently, we were going to learn to get into ka or kee or whatever the hell
it is called and achieve some super human feats of strength. Now I did a lot of
things at this retreat that made me uncomfortable because I kept reminding
myself that my company paid a lot of money to send me here (over $2,000, I
think) and I was not going to let them down, but there was no way in hell I was
going to subject some poor soul to having to lift up me and my fat ass, twelve
chins, and four or so spare tires. And no way was I going to attempt to lift
anyone, whatever size they were. So just before this session I marched right up
to Mr. Clean and told him that I had a bad back and that I could not do
anything that put physical demands on me. I got out of the lifting part, but
that excuse did not fly for the board-breaking. My attempts at this produced
the most dramatic moment of the entire course and I truly believe it was this
that led to my winning the Most Improved Student award (way more about that in the
next post). I was the only one who did not break it on the first attempt; in
fact, it took me about ten tries, I think.
Oh,
so you have to know this before I go on: there was no alcohol or drugs allowed
on site, but just before we started this session, Mr. Clean told us that there
was wine and beer awaiting us in the dining room, as a treat for all our hard
work. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, mmm, wine!
Anyway,
so we had to write on the one side of the board what is our biggest block to
leadership:
(Yeah,
no shit Sherlock, mine was low self-esteem!)
On
the flip side we had to list what we would get if we could break through this
block:
The
words written in green were written before I attempted to break it. Mr. Clean
stopped me halfway through my attempts and made me write more (the ones in red).
To say this entire ordeal was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life
is no exaggeration. But the team was all rallying behind me, giving me advice
on how to position myself, shouting encouragement, etc., but I just could not break
that fucker. Until I did. Did positive thinking or getting in ka/kee break that
board? Those on the course would say it did but I think the fact that I wanted
to get out of there and start drinking may have had something to do with it!
I don't see how they can expect someone who has no karate training to break a fucking board. And the writing--how much room is there? I'd need, like, a piece of plywood that you use for a Ping-Pong table. I really would have hated this.
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