Six Months Later…

Yep, it is six months to the day since I lost my job.

I had planned to write a pretty long post about these six months but I am just so depressed and lethargic, this is all you’re going to get. It is one of many posts I have started but been too low to finish. Plus now that I have gotten rid of all my English family members from Facebook I am posting a little more on there, like a message about Sammy’s birthday, for example. (Although sometimes I double up and post on both - the dollar store wine story is a case in point.) I’ve just nothing positive to say about the entire six months and I really am trying to avoid being a Debbie Downer in this blog. Suffice it to say, I am looking for work but I am not getting any call backs. It is soul-crushing. See, I understand when I do not get an offer after an in-person interview, because, yeah, they get to see the ass, the chins, the waistline, but I can’t even get the chance to introduce them to the fat ugly blob that I am. Thank the Universe for alcohol and Sammy.

I have died and gone to purgatory

OMG – my local 99 cents only store has started selling wine. Let me repeat that: my local 99 cents only store has started selling wine. I know. It’s not 99 cents, unfortunately, ($2.99) which is why this post says purgatory instead of heaven and I have not tasted it yet, but still: my local 99 cents only store has started selling wine.

A Sammy Tail

Sammy’s interest in looking outside when the blinds are open:

0%

 

Sammy’s interest in looking outside when the blinds are closed:

100%

 

Feast of the Virgin, Year II

Two years ago today…

... I kissed the prettiest boy alive (you know who you are. Or do you, actually? I am sure I have told you about this blog (I tell you everything) but I would be extremely surprised if you‘d ever read it. Too busy with your fabulous career and drop-dead gorgeous wife and those kids.).

Anyway, after we kissed we did some other stuff (tee-hee). Other stuff that I have not done with anyone since. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have kept my born-again virginity intact (tee-hee) for another year! Yay! Two years of no sex!

Well, kind of, but not exactly. I mean, yeah, there was that guy I was kind-of seeing and one time we did some stuff (or rather, I should say, he did some stuff and I just laid there and enjoyed it). But, technically, it was not the horizontal mamba and were I a real virgin before, I would still have been afterwards (technically) so it does not count.

But, for obvious reasons (I am still without a job) there will be no Feast of the Virgin this year. The Moet & Chandon will remain in the back of the fridge. But the occasion will not go completely uncelebrated: I have a bottle of a favorite wine that I was saving for when I got a new job. But it is much cheaper than the Moet so I will treat myself to that. And I got a bag of generic Funyuns at the dollar store yesterday and there may even be an ice pole or two in the back of the freezer, so I am all set!

American Idol, Season 13

Was it a crap season because it coincided with my unemployment or was it just a crap season anyway? None of the contestants wowed me from the start (I did get to like Jena better and better as the season when on) and there was only one I hated - the lesbian chick (whom I think only made it into the top 15 because the producers were afraid they’d get accused of being homophobic if they did not put her through). And no, haters, I did not hate her because she is gay, I hated her because she is a crap singer.

One thing that did strike me this season was how much work schedules were diminished – the contestants did not have to do a Ford video every week, Ryan did not have to read out as many phone numbers because they kept the same number, the cameraman had only one angle to shoot – wherever J-Lo was, and her wardrobe supervisor had it easy too because she rarely wore anything below the waist. Speaking of which, what was that thing Jenny from the whorehouse block was wearing during her “performance?”

Other random musings/thoughts/opinions:

·         How useless was Randy as a mentor? I miss Jimmy!

·         Was there a memo sent that this season had to contain as many doughy white boys as possible?

·         Ryan did the gay rumors no favors by declaring Demi Lovato a friend and “singing” a Richard Marx song.

·         Loved Jessica Meuse. Hope she goes far, but glad she did not win it (they would have tried to commercialize her too much.

·         There were not many highlight packages, were there? They are usually more plentiful and a whole lot funnier – WTF was the deal with that lip reading bit?

And of course it would not be an Idol post from me without the following: bring back the Dunk! I miss you more and more, Bryan Dunkleman!

My New Job, Three Weeks and Three-Quarters of a Day

Well, that solves that problem. They let me go yesterday afternoon. Said it was not a good fit for either party and that I seemed unhappy. No shit, Sherlock. What gave it away? The fact that I sat in my car every morning before the office opened sobbing? The fact that I walked around with a face like a wet weekend because of the poisonous atmosphere? The fact that the work was so mind-numbingly tedious it literally reduced me to tears?

My memory might be playing tricks on me but I truly do not think I had ever been this unhappy in a job before. So much so I was considering quitting. But I am not that American and would never do that so they really did me a huge favor.

Oh! Gotta go, it is time for The Price Is Right…

My New Job, Day 10

So in honor of my 10th day of this new job I had originally decided to do a list – “Top 10 Reasons I Hate My New Job” – but I found it difficult to narrow it down to just 10. Plus it was very depressing, and this blog hasn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs recently, has it?

So I won’t go into details, except to say my job sucks and I hate it. But like the good functioning alcoholic that I am, I am trying to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can, or whatever that AA credo is (can’t be arsed to look it up). And the issues basically fall into three categories: stuff that will change - like the work itself because right now it is all so new and hard for me and the learning curve is very, very steep; stuff that will change if I were to get a different position within the company (and it really does seem like a good company to work for); and stuff that will change temporarily in the winter (there is nowhere to sit outside at lunch and until it cools down, sitting in my car is not feasible).

Plus I really need to stop being such a big whiny baby and remember that in three months of unemployment I had just three job interviews and these people were the only ones who wanted to hire me.

My New Job, Week 1

I hate it. Plus I have had the theme tune to Monk stuck in my head since Friday.

It’s a jungle out there.

My New Job, Day 1

I don't like it.