A Sammy Tail

Sammy’s interest in looking outside when the blinds are open:

0%

 

Sammy’s interest in looking outside when the blinds are closed:

100%

 

Feast of the Virgin, Year II

Two years ago today…

... I kissed the prettiest boy alive (you know who you are. Or do you, actually? I am sure I have told you about this blog (I tell you everything) but I would be extremely surprised if you‘d ever read it. Too busy with your fabulous career and drop-dead gorgeous wife and those kids.).

Anyway, after we kissed we did some other stuff (tee-hee). Other stuff that I have not done with anyone since. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have kept my born-again virginity intact (tee-hee) for another year! Yay! Two years of no sex!

Well, kind of, but not exactly. I mean, yeah, there was that guy I was kind-of seeing and one time we did some stuff (or rather, I should say, he did some stuff and I just laid there and enjoyed it). But, technically, it was not the horizontal mamba and were I a real virgin before, I would still have been afterwards (technically) so it does not count.

But, for obvious reasons (I am still without a job) there will be no Feast of the Virgin this year. The Moet & Chandon will remain in the back of the fridge. But the occasion will not go completely uncelebrated: I have a bottle of a favorite wine that I was saving for when I got a new job. But it is much cheaper than the Moet so I will treat myself to that. And I got a bag of generic Funyuns at the dollar store yesterday and there may even be an ice pole or two in the back of the freezer, so I am all set!

American Idol, Season 13

Was it a crap season because it coincided with my unemployment or was it just a crap season anyway? None of the contestants wowed me from the start (I did get to like Jena better and better as the season when on) and there was only one I hated - the lesbian chick (whom I think only made it into the top 15 because the producers were afraid they’d get accused of being homophobic if they did not put her through). And no, haters, I did not hate her because she is gay, I hated her because she is a crap singer.

One thing that did strike me this season was how much work schedules were diminished – the contestants did not have to do a Ford video every week, Ryan did not have to read out as many phone numbers because they kept the same number, the cameraman had only one angle to shoot – wherever J-Lo was, and her wardrobe supervisor had it easy too because she rarely wore anything below the waist. Speaking of which, what was that thing Jenny from the whorehouse block was wearing during her “performance?”

Other random musings/thoughts/opinions:

·         How useless was Randy as a mentor? I miss Jimmy!

·         Was there a memo sent that this season had to contain as many doughy white boys as possible?

·         Ryan did the gay rumors no favors by declaring Demi Lovato a friend and “singing” a Richard Marx song.

·         Loved Jessica Meuse. Hope she goes far, but glad she did not win it (they would have tried to commercialize her too much.

·         There were not many highlight packages, were there? They are usually more plentiful and a whole lot funnier – WTF was the deal with that lip reading bit?

And of course it would not be an Idol post from me without the following: bring back the Dunk! I miss you more and more, Bryan Dunkleman!

My New Job, Three Weeks and Three-Quarters of a Day

Well, that solves that problem. They let me go yesterday afternoon. Said it was not a good fit for either party and that I seemed unhappy. No shit, Sherlock. What gave it away? The fact that I sat in my car every morning before the office opened sobbing? The fact that I walked around with a face like a wet weekend because of the poisonous atmosphere? The fact that the work was so mind-numbingly tedious it literally reduced me to tears?

My memory might be playing tricks on me but I truly do not think I had ever been this unhappy in a job before. So much so I was considering quitting. But I am not that American and would never do that so they really did me a huge favor.

Oh! Gotta go, it is time for The Price Is Right…

My New Job, Day 10

So in honor of my 10th day of this new job I had originally decided to do a list – “Top 10 Reasons I Hate My New Job” – but I found it difficult to narrow it down to just 10. Plus it was very depressing, and this blog hasn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs recently, has it?

So I won’t go into details, except to say my job sucks and I hate it. But like the good functioning alcoholic that I am, I am trying to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can, or whatever that AA credo is (can’t be arsed to look it up). And the issues basically fall into three categories: stuff that will change - like the work itself because right now it is all so new and hard for me and the learning curve is very, very steep; stuff that will change if I were to get a different position within the company (and it really does seem like a good company to work for); and stuff that will change temporarily in the winter (there is nowhere to sit outside at lunch and until it cools down, sitting in my car is not feasible).

Plus I really need to stop being such a big whiny baby and remember that in three months of unemployment I had just three job interviews and these people were the only ones who wanted to hire me.

My New Job, Week 1

I hate it. Plus I have had the theme tune to Monk stuck in my head since Friday.

It’s a jungle out there.

My New Job, Day 1

I don't like it.

(Some Of) The Deets

So, yes, I have a job. I start tomorrow. I had a choice of start dates, any time between Monday, April 21 and Monday, April 28. Those of you who know me well will know exactly why I chose Wednesday to start. And I think for the time being I am going to keep where I will be working and what I will be doing on the down low. At least as far as this blog is concerned. Just to add some intrigue to my mundane existence. Suffice it to say, it is like nothing I have ever done before in an industry that I never really knew existed.

A Wednesday start date will mean I was out of work for 14 weeks, three-and-a-half months. But I really did not do much the first two weeks, so let’s call it an even three months. Everyone tells me that is a very short period of time to be job hunting and I guess it is but boy it sure seemed like it was never going to end during those long boring days of scouring the internet for jobs and watching The Price Is Right (I swear, if I ever see another commercial for walk-in bath tubs I will lose it).

I am feeling all sorts of confused and anxious and excited and nervous and I do have a few concerns. For one, I am worried it might be difficult to get back into the rhythm of a regular job, for I have been incredibly lazy during these three months. And my sleep patterns are all out of whack. Once Sammy realized I no longer had to be up at a certain time, he let me sleep in and I made the most of that. Then almost every afternoon I napped. Then when it was finally time for bed I fell asleep on the sofa and crawled into bed only after I woke up to go to the bathroom or Sammy bit me awake, whichever came first.

I’m also concerned about how Sammy will handle it too. Poor thing must be so confused. For years I leave him alone all day and then all of a sudden I am at home with him all day every day. And now I will be gone again for 10-hour stretches. But maybe I am kidding myself and he will be perfectly fine with me being gone again.

Details To Follow…

I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!