I think it might behoove you all to read (or re-read) this post for this new post to make sense.
All
done? OK, so, yes, I have another actor enflaming my loins. But what makes it
weird is that, like the Elvis/Austin sitch, this is another actor playing a
famous musician. But in this case, it is the actor who is completely my type
and the musician who isn’t.
This
actor, oh eff, he is sofa king hot. There is not a thing I would change about
him, except perhaps his marital status.
I
discovered him last Friday. By Saturday I had re-watched the movie, screened
the episode of a TV show he was in yonks ago, and sent a wildly inappropriate email to his bookers. In my defense, I was drunk
and I am in love with him and if you don't want fans sending emails telling him
to get in touch if he needs to cross off "Do an English chick"
from his sexual to-do list then you shouldn't put a link on your website
that allows drunk English chicks to send your bookers emails. Just sayin'.
Although, also in my defense, I thought the emails were going to go to him or
his personal assistant. It was only upon a second, less drunk, visit did I discover those
emails go to his bookers. Oops.
I
had been meaning to watch this particular film for a while now, and finally got
around to it on Friday. And here is a mildly ironic temporal deal about this
entire situation: he is going to be in Vegas next month, doing two shows and a
fan meet-and-greet. Now those of you who know me well know that there is no way
on earth I am going to go to either of those events (this post here explains
why). Yeah, it’s Anderson Cooper (before he decided to have kids) all over
again. I won’t ever watch that movie again and I lasted less than 24 hours in
the several Facebook groups that feature him. It is just too painful, he is
just too gorgeous and I can never have him. And I am sure that all those
fans who attend the shows and the meet-and-greet feel exactly the same way
about him and I am sure there are some of them who have a chance with him,
whereas I couldn’t get laid in a men’s prison. So, I will spare myself the
physical and emotional pain and not go.
And
I do mean both physical and emotional pain. When I first saw him, I was
instantly both besotted and depressed. My depression manifests itself
physically with a discomfort in my windpipe and abdomen. Right now, as I am
writing this, it feels like a lead pipe is lodged down my throat and a bowling
ball is resting in the pit of my stomach. It’s been that way since I showed the
first signs of depression, at around the age of 14. But back then I had no idea
an emotional disorder such as depression could produce physical ailments. I
have since learned that it can.
But apart from his smoking good looks, I have no idea why he has reignited my libido. Even if he wasn’t married, I wouldn’t stand a chance with him. And I have stated many times I want a chauffeur, not a boyfriend. So why now and why him?
I
fucking wish I’d never fucking watched that fucking movie.
